A History of the World in 100 Limericks by Mick Twister

Author:Mick Twister [Twister, Mick;]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

THE WAR FOR DRUGS

A Chinese official named Lin

Thought trading in drugs was a sin

So the Brits fought two wars

In the dubious cause

Of the right to ship opium in.

In the nineteenth century China’s self-sufficiency and isolation caused two problems for Britain: industrial production demanded new markets, and Brits required tea. All the tea in China.

But the Chinese weren’t interested in trade, so the East India Company came up with the bright idea of flogging the Chinese opium, a drug so addictive that it rapidly created demand where none had existed. To combat this, Lin Zexu was made China’s drug czar in 1838, and promptly threw all the opium in the sea.

Unfortunately, the drug traffickers’ overall boss was a super-pusher called Britain, who promptly sent in gunboats and offered a deal China couldn’t refuse – including the surrender of Hong Kong on a long lease. So in the first battle in what has since been called the ‘War on Drugs’, drugs won hands down.

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